y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
