I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
