if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
