That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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