new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
