"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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