I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
