i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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