honey bunches of taint.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
sex in a hospital.. check
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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