So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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