Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
