I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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