and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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