Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
