His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
