first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
