Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Couch. On fire.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
