At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
