ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
