Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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