hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
