You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
