just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
