Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
