I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
