If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
