So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
