So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
