Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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