i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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