I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
