he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
