When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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