I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
