I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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