well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
