i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
