I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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