Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
