who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
