are you still at the devil's house?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every concussion has its silver lining
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
