see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
