yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
