saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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