I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
