Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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