Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
