matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's shark week go big or go home