Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful