I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?