I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
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Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant