As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.