i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!