its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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