Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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