She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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