im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
