Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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