she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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