I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
