I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
