even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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