Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
