did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
