I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
